Sadyah

Dear Friends,

at last, i got the energy to create this blog. after i was threatened by joni and kate many months ago to join friendster or else, they will disown me.hehehe. actually, this is the second. the first one? i myself can’t remember anymore the address. nainggit lang ako sa blog ni kristian cordero. hey there brother KC! frankly speaking, this is a good exercise especially nagpapaka-writer tayo. especially right now na tinatamad ako magsulat sa diary ko. kasi di ko na maintindihan minsan handwriting ko and i’m beginning to question what’s more tragic: to leave a scandalous diary (kunyari)that might perhaps make me (in)famous or to simply die in oblivion. di ba may mga published poems and stories na ako? you can even find me in google. sabi ni ian casocot, kung wala ka raw sa google ngayon, it is as if di ka nag-e-exist. so perhaps this is better than keeping tons of notebooks in my studio. websites are far less reliable, impermanent, than papers. hmmm…is it?

which reminds me of someone, of one day na parang "You’ve Got Mail." One morning, as it is my habit to check my email before going to work, I received an email from a stranger - a male species at that - claiming to have been touched by my poem posted in H.O. Santos’s website (go, figure it out) that he even translated it. the translation was impressive that i replied. and to make the story short, we became friends. he was from iloilo but based in California. an accountant with his own firm, a Chinese wife who fought for him (pang-Mano Po ang kanilang lovestory), and grown-up sons who still have to see the Philipines. We talked mostly about the country and his U.S. and A. , of our love for literature and culture and arts, his dream of going back, his loss for words in Hiligaynon and Tagalog, my life. it was a sort of father-and-daughter kind of communication.

Amazon. com sent me books I can only salivate here, that he paid for, of course. Twice. They are now part of my most precious treasures, something I can confidently and comfortably hand in to the nearest child. And that was it.  I’ve never heard from him again. My emails bounced back. Not until last week. I received a long distance call early in the morning. It was his wife. He passed away.They were supposed to be a balikbayan this December. He had thought of inviting me to a mountain resort they have bought and where they intended to stay, his wife said.

After that conversation, I got to understand why his wife had all the reason to defy and abandon her family just to be with him at that time. He was one of a few good men. I missed his brilliance - i wonder what he has to say to all the issues we have right now. but most of all, I missed his compassion and sincerity; the generosity of his spirit. I felt sad that he can no longer read what books I have to launch. yet I also rejoice in remembering how that one single poem led me to him, and how that encounter transformed me to become a better person and to be more commited in my writing.

i am telling you this story, friend, because this, i believe, is a happy story. because perhaps this is the reason why i keep on checking friendster and why i am into blogging right now instead of just scribbling in the comfort of my journal. perhaps because i do want you to be here with me right now for a cup of tea or coffee or ice tea - whatever - and not just over there (hey joni, how are you in china?). perhaps because i am quite tired right now. i am actually writing my grad paper in Continental Philosophy on Jacques Derrida. I am arguing that deconstruction is a philosophy of subversion. when all i want is just to tell stories and listen to yours, too.

I’ll be in Starbucks later at Torre Lorenzo. Hope to see you there. hehehehe